Doing This Helped Me Return to Work After My Maternity Leave

Returning to work after having a baby is about more than finding childcare or getting back into a routine. Here's what helped me feel emotionally ready. 

Whether it’s after six weeks, six months, or a year, most of us go back to work eventually after having our babies. You might dread it. You might be excited about it. Or both (and also feel a little guilty, like me). 

Regardless of your timeline or emotions, going back to work after time away bonding with your baby can be difficult. I know it was for me. I spent quite a lot of time thinking about my looming “back to work” date and trying to reconcile my split emotions.

Nothing made the transition perfect, but the one thing that helped the most was taking time to process my birth story and the first few weeks postpartum. 

Processing my early postpartum days helped me return to work after maternity leave 

You might be wondering how this has anything to do with returning to work. But like many women, aspects about my son’s birth and those early postpartum days didn’t go how I’d hoped. Some things turned out better, but other things left me tearful and full of loss. 

And things move fast, as you likely know. Those early postpartum days quickly become a blur of night feeds, the ebbs and flows of well-wishers, and you wondering who that new woman is looking back at you in those selfies.

Before you know it, that back-to-work date is visible on the horizon. And it’s difficult to move forward if you haven’t taken the time to process everything that has happened. 

I started feeling dissatisfaction, even helplessness. I frantically tried to grasp onto moments that were slipping through my fingers while the days rolled past. I didn’t want to feel that way, so I asked myself: What’s behind this panic that my maternity leave was coming to an end?

The answer? I hadn’t had a chance to process anything. 

What it took to process everything I before I felt OK returning to work

For three months I’d been functioning on a schedule determined mostly by the demands of my new boss—a sweet little guy, but pretty helpless. Jumping into motherhood meant there hadn’t been a lot of time to sit with what was happening as it was happening, and my brain was taken over by a slurry of new information, not a lot of sleep, and overwhelming love.

This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Putting things on hold for a bit as you adjust to your new role as a mother is good, but it often doesn’t leave much space for ourselves. 

When I realized I needed to make space, I asked my partner for guaranteed baby-free time. I grabbed my journal, and I started writing. 

I wrote down what happened, what surprised me, what hurt, what I was proud of, and what I was still grieving. Sometimes it was really painful. Sometimes it brought me intense joy. Sometimes frustration, anger, sadness, awe, pride, and gratitude.

There were parts that made me cry: 

• My first week at home was overshadowed by the intensity of the Dutch maternity care system. Between home visits from the maternity nurse, appointments, and constant check-ins from healthcare providers, I struggled to find space just to be with my baby.

• My baby had feeding problems that left me feeling helpless and overwhelmed. He couldn’t breastfeed. As someone who had never planned to breastfeed in the first place, this left me feeling inexplicably devastated.  

• Our home had emergency plumbing problems, which had me scrubbing bottles in the bathtub after a C-section and meant our baby bubble was constantly popped by the comings and goings of plumbers and contractors.

Other parts made me realize just how much I’d forgotten, especially the good things.

• It took two and a half months, but I eventually had success with breastfeeding. It was short lived, but I’m proud of myself for getting there. 

• Motherhood felt natural to me, something I had been worried about before having kids. 

• I recovered very, very well from my C-section. I learned to trust the power of my own body. This left me feeling strong, capable, calm, and resilient. 

• Baby cuddles, smiles, and giggles are seriously the best. I had a baby! And despite all the difficulties and things that were out of my control, underneath it all ran a deep current of peace and contentment. 

I wasn’t able to process all of this at once, it took several sessions of deep reflection. And to be honest, I’m sure I will continue to revisit these feelings and process more in the future. 

But once I got these thoughts and feelings out, whether on paper or through many, many chats with my partner, I started to feel better about returning to work after my maternity leave. Instead of a season that had slipped through my fingers, I began to recognize it as one marked by enormous change, deep love, and intense emotion. 

This made it easier for me to look ahead.

I still didn’t love my first day back. But instead of it feeling like a door abruptly slamming shut on a beautiful season, it was like stepping through one into a new space.

What you can do

Everyone processes differently. I brain dumped into the pages of my journal. I meditated while feeding my baby. I had the same conversation multiple times with my partner until I started to feel more peace. 

No matter your process, I encourage you to ask yourself some key questions:

• What happened that I haven't really thought about yet?

• What am I proud of?

• What am I still sad or disappointed about?

• What do I want to remember from these early weeks?

• What version of myself am I taking back to work?

Whatever you do, don’t try to rewrite what happened. Be honest with yourself about how you feel and how you want to feel going forward. 

Processing my experience gave me permission to acknowledge what had happened, celebrate what had gone well, and grieve what hadn't. 

It helped me realize that going back to work didn't mean I was leaving motherhood behind. It meant I was bringing this new version of myself into another part of my life.

---

Want more about balancing motherhood with work? Join my mailing list or follow along on TikTok. 

You’re not the only one figuring this out as you go. 💚